How To: Get out of a rut

I know I’m not the only one who feels stuck sometimes: like I’m not moving forward, stagnant… some days I just wake up feeling gross, fat, alone, etc etc like every other human being. The point is not that we all feel this way occasionally (although it’s true and doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem because you don’t always wake up like this), but that it’s possible to change your attitude and feel better.

The following is a list of things that make me feel better and ready to face the day. Any combination of these (or none of them) may work for you. Here we go:

  1. Get out of bed as soon as you wake up. I have a tendency to want to stay in bed all morning. Sometimes it’s fine. Sometimes it makes me feel gross. Get up as soon as you wake up, then make the bed immediately. This will make you feel better.
  2. Shower and shave. There’s something so calming about cleanliness. Shaving always makes me feel so clean!
  3. Go somewhere. Going out with friends is a way for me to feel a part of society and not alone. You never want to go, because it’s easier to stay at home and wallow, but make yourself and you won’t (probably) regret it!
  4. Go somewhere alone. Sometimes you just need to get out of the house. I recommend taking a book to a cafe.
  5. Get a good workout. Just one good workout will improve your spirits. I mean a good one, though–where you push yourself and really try!
  6. Try a new routine. Mix it up! Try a different perfume/lotion/shampoo. Don’t just do things you always do in a different order (although that would help too), try something new. Add a jog to your morning routine. Buy new foods. Eat something different for breakfast! On that note:
  7. Cook a meal. Even if it’s just for you, there’s something so rewarding about creating a beautiful and delicious meal from a few ingredients.
  8. Take a chance. Doesn’t matter what it is. Do something not just new, but that you would never do normally. Ask a guy on a date instead of waiting to be asked. Wear that dress you never thought you could pull off. Be daring, darling.
  9. Put the phone down. Take just an afternoon/evening to turn off your phone and enjoy no electronics. Really try to connect to the people around you.
  10. Smile. Find something to laugh about. Don’t have anything? Fake it. You’ll feel it soon enough.

My favorite quote when I’m feeling a bit depressed is something I saw on a tweet from Lea Michele. Her boyfriend died recently, so I found the advice especially meaningful:

Fullscreen capture 12282013 52917 PM.bmpThis is one of my favorite quotes. It hit me so hard, I wrote it on my mirror! There are a million things you can do to shake the bad feelings away. Find your own way of doing things and make yourself happy! ❤

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

 

Why Doesn’t He Like Me?

Every single human being is guilty for wondering at some point or another why someone else isn’t romantically into them.

I am. Frequently. It’s the worst feeling–and we handle it differently: Some of us whine to our friends who tell us that “he doesn’t know what he’s missing,” or something similar–that it couldn’t possibly be our fault and we believe them, then go on exactly as before.

Some of us whine to wine bottles and convince ourselves that if we were only taller, thinner, tanner, prettier, etc–that then we’d finally be good enough for him.

We might be heartbroken that they didn’t return our love-at-first-date. Sometimes, we don’t even like the guy until we realize he doesn’t seem to like us either! What is wrong with us, ladies?

It’s got to be part of human nature, but unrequited love is the worst, most heart-sinking feeling in the world–I think it’s worse than being broken up with. Why? Because when you break up, it hurts like every expletive in the book; but, you usually don’t see that person as often, you don’t spend time with them, it doesn’t last as long, and you don’t have to pretend like you’re not seriously sad on the inside.

So what are we supposed to do? Try not to care. Be the best you that you can be in all areas of life (mental, physical, emotional, etc.). Develop yourself. If the guy you like doesn’t like you back, so what? There is someone that will–and we deserve someone that wants us!

Wise words:

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Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like me. People will tell you all sorts of excuses to make you feel better, but maybe, *takes off sunglasses* he’s just not that into you. P.S. If you haven’t seen that movie, watch it.

As long as I like myself, it won’t matter and I can be happy with friendship! In case that isn’t satisfying enough, here are some reasons he might not like you:

  1. You have nothing in common. You’re more attracted to people who share your interests. If you love music and he hates music, it’s going to be annoying.
  2. You’re  not the type of girl he is attracted to physically (I like tall dark and handsome, and tend to find mountain-type men more attractive than those with boyish looks. Everyone has a type. If you’re not his type, it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive.)
  3. You don’t have the personality traits he’s looking for. Maybe he wants someone who wants to be a housewife and pop out kids. Maybe you want to be the next Hilary Clinton, so he doesn’t even bother because it’d probably be easier to find someone who wants what you want than dealing with a relationship where you want opposite things.
  4. You are smelly and live in your parents basement. Some guys might not mind, but some will. If it bothers you that much, try doing better with your personal hygiene and work towards getting your own apartment.

Don’t change yourself so someone will like you. Change yourself so you will like you and then people that are like you will also like you.

Other resources (terrible, R-Rated NSFW language–like seriously, seriously…I wouldn’t post except her points are straight on. You’ve been warned. It applies to men AND ladies):

So what now? They don’t like you, so you can hate them and be bitter, right? NO! Christopher Davidson says:

You should be nice to a girl (or people in general), just to be nice, not because you expect romance or sex in return. No one owes you anything. As for “nice [girls]”, stop going for [men] out of your league. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on your confidence. [Men] don’t like pushovers or [girls] who are too clingy. They like nice [girls] who are confident, strong, and are exciting.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

Not Motivated

My new goal: print out some signs that say this and put them places.

I feel like I’m constantly fighting being motivated.

IT’S A REALLY FRUSTRATING FIGHT, because I know what I want out of life, but some days I just don’t have the self control to achieve the little things that will lead to the big things.

For instance:

  • getting up at a reasonable time
  • doing my homework
  • going to class
  • paying attention in class
  • studying

…these are the biggest struggles and stresses in my life. I realize that the fact that these are stressful are because I let them become such.

But I’m tired of letting my inaction control my life.

So today, I’m giving myself 3.5 hours in the library to finish everything I can on my really long to-do list, then I’m going to continue to be productive. On my mirror at home, I’ve written myself a reminder to “recommit every day,” because every day is a choice to move forward and better ourselves. Every day is an opportunity to do something better than yesterday. You can quote me on that.

Okay, I should go focus now. That in itself will be an accomplishment, considering the people across and to the left who clearly misplaced their inside voices elsewhere–and the girl across from me with her headphones in that apparently doesn’t realize she’s humming out loud.

Wish me luck. And go be motivated.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

100 “Girly” Things

I recently saw a pin on Pinterest (clearly, where I spend much too much time) linking to the blog “Straight Up Glam,” with a beginning list of “100 girly things to do” when you’re bored. Another pinner commented that it was one of the most degrading things they’d seen, so I decided to take a look. Heads up: this is a long, ranty post. I am passionate about this topic, though, and would love to hear your thoughts as well.

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Just from the “About Me,” I could tell this blog isn’t meant to be any sort of deep–which is fine–but after perusing through the first 10 suggestions, then up to her most current list of 50, I was generally appalled at this blogger’s definition of “girly.”

It’s like, think of every stereotype you’ve ever heard associating women with silliness, frivolity or complete shallow materialism–and that is what her list entails.

A few things before I tear apart her lists:

  • I have no problem with femininity (as should be obvious). I don’t believe that in order to be “equal” to men, we have to dress or act like them; however,
  • I firmly believe that the widely accepted generalization of women as vapid, emotional, damsels-in-distress is furthered by such vain, surface level expressions of what girls/women ought to be doing with their free time.
  • I don’t think the activities mentioned in themselves are wrong, I just feel it’s wrong to identify the word girly as pertaining to self-indulgent material-worship. A better name for her list might be “100 things to pamper yourself.”

As I went through the list again for this post, I made a list of the few “not bad” suggestions and the downright appalling suggestions. Keep in mind, these are all her suggestions for what to do in your free time:

The Not-So-Bad:

  • Sign up for dance class/lessons
  • Make your own _________
  • Be a tourist in your own city
  • Learn to sew
  • Plant a garden
  • Yoga

These are (out of fifty) the only ones that stuck out to me as actually a) requiring a useful skill, b) adding to the value of self in a non-material way, c) providing opportunities to learn and grow as an individual. STILL, the author clearly has distinct lines in her head about what girls ought to do and what boys ought to do, as if there’s no crossing-over allowed. Also, being a “tourist in your own city” is the only one out of 50 that suggests anything outside of one’s home or yard–unless you count trips to the various salons she suggests to maintain a sightly appearance.

The Appallingly Demeaning:

  • Having a “girly playlist” that encompasses the bubblegum pop of our generations, including poster-child of women: Madonna’s “Material Girl.”
  • Gossip. …Yep, just “gossip,” listed as an actual suggestion
  • Finding your signature perfume, so you can be remembered like the other girls you know
  • Tying “pretty bows” on your hangers
  • Buy a set of tools–but all in pink!

I could go on listing the suggestions that literally made my jaw drop and my blood boil, but those above are some of the worst. I almost don’t know where to start with this list! Firstly, I suppose I could start with the horrific idea that there are many among the female population that see these suggestions and might actually spend a few hours trying to get the prettiest bows around all of her hangers!

Such menial, pointless wastes of time almost hurt to think about. I can maybe understand doing these activities in a group setting, while bonding and  talking–maybe, but to suggest a girl sit around and try out dozens of perfumes to find the one that personifies “her” is a colossal waste of energy almost unfathomable to me under any circumstance!

And the photos she finds for these are something else entirely: for the tool set  the tools look almost like a toy set–and definitely look like decoration rather than anything to get real use out of.

Imagine walking into the life of a woman who has bows around all of her hangers (that sit hidden under mountains of clothes in her closet), whose every possession is decorated with rhinestones, and who sits around gossiping and painting (and then re-painting) various parts of her face and nails during her free time. At best, I’d smile with a crinkled nose and say “aw, how cute.”

You just can’t associate that type of person with maturity or take them seriously–and the idea that women should act like this is absurd.

I still can’t believe “gossip” is listed as something to do in your spare time. Gossip is degrading, indulgent, and destructive. Always.

Gossip quote Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s like people don’t understand that we, as human beings, should be trying to be the best people we can be. Why? Because it brings us and others the purest happiness that we can have–not the fleeting, fading happiness that comes from material possessions and appearances. To me, it’s difficult to see how one’s conscious could allow for such behavior.

Here is my main problem:  just as men don’t strive for “boyishness” (a term basically synonymous with immaturity), why would women seek/want/strive to be more “girly?” Pampering yourself occasionally is one thing, but a female that spends her free time trying to find her “perfect red lipstick” or “bedazzling” is not only stooping to demeaning stereotypes of women, but her lack of meaningful actions contribute nothing to society or the betterment of the world. This behavior contributes to the reason women often feel unable to be happy until they modify themselves to fit what they think everyone else wants to see from them. This is why young girls grow up to believe they are only worth as much as they’re liked by others.

“Prevailing myths imply that [women] are of lower importance than men, that we are generally sweet but uninformed,” [1] and women are the first ones that need to be convinced of the untruthfulness of these myths! Entitlement, excuse, apathy, enticement and general worldliness really shouldn’t be passed on to the younger women of the world–so might I suggest my list of 100 Things Girls Should Do In Their Free-time, starting tomorrow.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!