Real quick update on me

So I’ve been so busy with my life that I haven’t blogged in a year. But it’s okay, because the reasons are because my life is so amazing. I met this amazing guy back in 2013, and we got engaged this May and married in July! I literally couldn’t be happier. He fits everything in my little book PLUS MORE and he helps me every day be as great as he is. But blah blah blah, that’s regular cliche-type stuff that you’ve heard a million times. You will one day know more about him and my new family and all the wonderful happiness that is my life. Until then, consider this the quickest recap on my life, and now I will dive back into the blog, if you don’t mind! ūüôā

Why Doesn’t He Like Me?

Every single human being is guilty for wondering at some point or another why someone else isn’t romantically into them.

I am. Frequently. It’s the worst feeling–and we handle it differently: Some of us whine to our friends who tell us that “he doesn’t know what he’s missing,” or something similar–that it couldn’t possibly be¬†our¬†fault and we believe them, then go on exactly as before.

Some of us whine to wine bottles and convince ourselves that if we were only taller, thinner, tanner, prettier, etc–that¬†then¬†we’d finally be good enough for him.

We might be heartbroken that they didn’t return our love-at-first-date. Sometimes, we don’t even like the guy until we realize he doesn’t seem to like us either! What is wrong with us, ladies?

It’s got to be part of human nature, but unrequited love is the worst, most heart-sinking feeling in the world–I think it’s worse than being broken up with. Why? Because when you break up, it hurts like every expletive in the book; but, you usually don’t see that person as often, you don’t spend time with them, it doesn’t last as long, and you don’t have to pretend like you’re not seriously sad on the inside.

So what are we supposed to do? Try not to care. Be the best you that you can be in all areas of life (mental, physical, emotional, etc.). Develop yourself. If the guy you like doesn’t like you back,¬†so what? There is someone that will–and we deserve someone that wants us!

Wise words:

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Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like me. People will tell you all sorts of excuses to make you feel better, but¬†maybe, *takes off sunglasses* he’s just not that into you. P.S. If you haven’t seen that movie, watch it.

As long as I like myself, it won’t matter and I can be happy with friendship! In case that isn’t satisfying enough, here are some reasons he might not like you:

  1. You have nothing in common. You’re more attracted to people who share your interests. If you love music and he hates music, it’s going to be annoying.
  2. You’re ¬†not the type of girl he is attracted to physically (I like tall dark and handsome, and tend to find mountain-type men more attractive than those with boyish looks. Everyone has a type. If you’re not his type, it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive.)
  3. You don’t have the personality traits he’s looking for. Maybe he wants someone who wants to be a housewife and pop out kids. Maybe you want to be the next Hilary Clinton, so he doesn’t even bother because¬†it’d probably be easier to find someone who wants what you want than dealing with a relationship where you want opposite things.
  4. You are smelly and live in your parents basement. Some guys might not mind, but some will. If it bothers you that much, try doing better with your personal hygiene and work towards getting your own apartment.

Don’t change yourself so someone will like you. Change yourself so you will like you and then people that are like you will also like you.

Other resources (terrible, R-Rated NSFW language–like seriously, seriously…I wouldn’t post except her points are straight on. You’ve been warned. It applies to men AND ladies):

So what now? They don’t like you, so you can hate them and be bitter, right? NO! Christopher Davidson says:

You should be nice to a girl (or people in general), just to be nice, not because you expect romance or sex in return. No one owes you anything. As for “nice [girls]”, stop going for [men] out of your league. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on your confidence. [Men] don’t like pushovers or [girls] who are too clingy. They like nice [girls] who are confident, strong, and are exciting.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

I Am She: (maybe one day!)

I-am-she

I’ve decided that I need to keep a list of qualities I want in order to motivate me. So this is what I stare at when I’m at the gym, or debating on whether or not to go to the gym–when I think of skipping class, or giving up on my French.

This is the kind of woman I want to be, and I thought maybe you would appreciate some ideas for yourself–if you don’t really know what kind of person you’d like to be.

She is up-to-date on current events. I chose this trait because so many Americans (dare I say American women) are stereotyped (for good reason) as being completely egocentric and unaware of anyone’s problems but their own. We’re not the only ones on this planet, and ignorance about what’s happening in the world is a fear of mine.

She is conversational in multiple languages. I had a goal in high school to learn 7 languages by the time I was 30. It was a lofty goal, and now I’m just trying to go for conversational! Being able to communicate with as many people as possible is one of my dreams.

She makes connections. I want the hook-ups. I want to be the one that “knows a guy” that can help me get what I want.

She is discerning, witty, and relaxed.¬†I’m fairly uptight at times. I know this because I was playing a game with friends and they had to choose which Winnie The Pooh character I was most like, and everyone chose the Rabbit! So I’m trying to work on that… also, being witty is such an attractive quality. Discernment means having good judgement, for those of you who may not know.

She has an opinion. People have different ideas on whether or not this is a good idea. For me, having an opinion means I’ve thought about situations or circumstances and found where I stand. This way, I can discuss with people and learn why I should strengthen, change, or defend my position–too often do we just float through with no ability to discuss important subjects. This is my anti-airhead weapon.

She says what she means.¬†One of the most difficult qualities for me to understand in people (dare I say women) is that there is almost no complete honesty. It’s always truth wrapped in a little box, or presented in a subversive/manipulative way. I think so many miscommunications could be avoided by people saying what they actually mean to say, of course politely and with tact. Be clear.

She is independent and giving. I prefer to be a giver and not a taker, because it makes me feel better about myself. I would argue that all people thrive under independence and wilt under dependence.

She contributes to meaningful conversations.¬†I don’t want to be the one at the table that giggles and twirls her hair while others discuss important topics. Even if I don’t understand, I try to learn by speaking up.

She is confident and direct. I find it so much more fulfilling to be in relationships (all kinds) where you can express ideas and thoughts directly, without worrying what people are going to say. On that note, don’t care what people are going to think if you tell them you think they’re attractive–or tell them that maybe people would respond better to kindness rather than rudeness. I’d want someone to tell me. It stings at first, but constructive comments and compliments are very rewarding.

She has control over her emotions and impulses.¬†I’m still working on not crying every time I get mildly emotional, and not eating an entire bag of chips when I do. Self control is about delaying instant gratification for long-term rewards.

She travels. This one is important to me, because I want to see the world an experience what life is like all over the world, not just read it. I want to be up close and personal, because how else will I know how I can contribute?

She is unashamed to love herself.¬†I am trying to get to the point where I don’t care what people think of how I look–and learn to think I’m beautiful no matter what. Who knows if I’ll ever overcome that struggle.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

HEY, flattery, go die alone

hey lady pretty is a better compliment than hot

I’ve started a reading list of about 20 books I want to read this year. But ideally I want to read 40. That’s a different blog post. TODAY, I want to mention a book I just started reading, “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” by 90’s woman Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

My favorite part so far is when she talks about people who go around trying to “soul search” or to find themselves, and how¬†ineffective¬†it is on account of how finding yourself comes through your actions. She describes finding your purpose as a moment-by-moment concept, as in we choose to do certain things, and therein can discover our purpose for that moment or action. Then, of course, all that leads to bigger actions, but no self-discovery is ever found by inaction. Deep.

About the graphic up there, I watched the video below a couple days ago, saw it on Pinterest, and while he seems a little intense (WHY SO MUCH YELLING), he makes a good point! Start at 2:13.

And flattery is something that I’ve struggled with resisting in the past. I’m hoping I’m not the only one that has a history of gravitating to perhaps the wrong kinds of guys because they’re good with the compliments. It’s so much more meaningful to fall for someone because of a relationship developed over time, with a depth from personality and observations of their actions, rather than because they always comment on how nice your [insert body part of choice here] is.

Example:

When a guy compliments my below-the-neck physical features, I feel:

  • like I want you to stop looking at me
  • embarrassed and uncomfortable that they noticed
  • uncomfortable thinking how many times they may have noticed previously
  • a little flattered
  • guilty for feeling flattered

When a guy compliments my above-the-neck physical features (my eyes/hair/smile/etc), I feel:

  • pleasantly surprised
  • like I can’t stop smiling or thinking about it for days
  • a little shy
  • super flattered
  • really pretty

When a guy compliments my non-physical features (personality/brain/heart/talents/etc), I feel:

  • when’s the wedding date
  • completely shocked that anyone would notice
  • a deep personal gratitude
  • like a person respected for being a meaningful human being, and not like an object
  • I probably will write about it in my journal

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

Kisses, Selfishness, Exceptions and Mind-Changes

My Kissy Face

It’s been a little over six months since I turned 21. When I turned 21, I wrote a big post of Year 21 Resolutions that I wanted to accomplish until the next birthday. Let’s review:

  1. Go on dates, but don’t look for or expect them.
  2. Don’t get serious with anyone until I feel ready.
  3. Make lots more friends in both genders.
  4. Kisses mean something.
  5. Do things boyfriends in the past wouldn‚Äôt have ‚Äúapproved‚ÄĚ of,¬†like GOING DANCING! EVERY WEEK!¬†Like I used to, and it made me ohsohappy.
  6. Be a little bit more selfish. Focus on improving myself & my talents.
  7. Be a little bit more cynical.¬†‚ÄúHow many ladies have you used that line on?‚ÄĚ accompanied with an eye roll (but also a smile).
  8. Actually listen to the opinions of others, but still come up with my own. Don’t automatically reject their suggestions.
  9. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE THE RULE. Say it with me: I AM NOT THE EXCEPTION, I AM THE RULE.
  10. Don’t ignore red flags or make excuses. Ever again. I don’t care how sweet and sensitive he is, if I can use English properly, be talented in music, communicate well with others, take care of my appearance, and know how to work, I am allowed expect that out of a man as well.

Okay, now let’s see the progress:

  1. I go every time someone asks, so I think that counts as “so far, so good.”
  2. More on that later, but SFSG (so far, so good)
  3. SUPER CHECK MARK! I have so many new people close to me, and such stronger relationships with the older friends.
  4. …sigh, I’m still trying, but I would say over the past six months the verdict would be “better luck the next six months.”
  5. I actually can’t handle going dancing every week anymore, but I have lots of nights out with the girl (mostly just Katrin) and they’re adventurous every time. SFSG.
  6. Yeah, I forgot this was a thing, so I don’t really see too much of a change… BLN6M (better luck next 6 months)
  7. This is SUPER CHECK MARK too, but I’m starting to think it’s not that good of a thing.
  8. Yeah, being a political science major this past semester really taught me to make my own opinions, but also I realized how difficult and time-consuming it is to make informed opinions. SFSG.
  9. I’ve had a couple surprises by forgetting to follow this rule, so I’ll say BLN6M.
  10. One rather large hiccup a few months ago, but it only took a week to figure it out, so mostly SFSG, but I still need to do better.

Overall, I think I’ve been doing pretty well. I feel a lot differently about everything than I did then…like I’ve calmed down a lot and I’m not as feisty about the topic as I was then. Which is understandable since I had just broken up with someone, but now I feel like I’m this very un-trusting, cynical person who just assumes that no one I’d want would ever want me back! I’m basically afraid to hope that things will work out for me ever, because that stuff happens to people in exceptional cases, not regularly. And I am regular, which brings me to last week and my change of heart:

I have been pretty happy the past six months. I don’t feel like I’ve really wanted anything, I’ve loved being single and working on all my personal qualities I want to change. THEN, I went up to Salt Lake City the first week of January and stayed there with Katrin, and my mind has just totally changed. It might have something to do with the 3 or 4 chick-flicks we watched (which is pretty much 100% more than I watched all of 2012), but I’m totally over being single.

Yes. I said it. But it’s not totally true. I don’t think I’m ready for a boyfriend, but I want all the excitement and ¬†suspense and intensity that comes from those stages right before you start dating someone. You know? All the butterflies and analyzing every word, action and expression? That’s what I’m ready for, but I also feel like now’s the time I need to prove to myself that I can be single–at the time when the desire to be so has left me.

So many words. Thanks for reading if you did! Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook (show your support and send me a like!) Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you all so much!

RE: The Importance of a Good Man

**should say explanation, not explination. Too much effort to fix, so forgive me.**

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FutureHusbandBOOK (The PDF)

Some of my friends who are guys read my blog. Sometimes, while reading, they come across certain posts and become concerned. I know this because they tell me.

Most recently, I have had three guys in the past few weeks tell me that they are worried the type of man I’m looking for doesn’t exist. One specifically told me I was “chasing a dream.” Or, basically, that I’ve set my standards too high.¬†I’ve decided to clarify exactly what I meant.

For starters, I have to clarify that when I made that post, I was just barely over a negative relationship. After negative experiences, we frequently find ourselves very determined to never repeat that experience. Of course, that’s not to say that after a while we can lower our standards again, but sometimes it’s nice to refresh ourselves of what type of qualities we’re allowed to aspire towards in future relationships.

The important thing to understand, however, is that regardless of how we might have been treated in the past, it’s not right to think that we are ever “owed” anything. The idea that by having been treated poorly means we’ve paid our dues, so we are entitled to the perfect guy who just has to accept us for who we are, is counterproductive and surely a terrible way to treat a great guy.

I’ll say that again: No matter how you’ve been treated in your past, you still must actively work towards making yourself the kind of person that you eventually want to end up with. That means you have to obtain the qualities for which you search in others.

With that said, I wrote those points well aware of the fact that there is no human on the planet that has every single one of the qualities listed in that book. Do I really think that there’s a guy out there that’s going never going to be mad at me? Uh, I even get mad at myself, so of course not! I know how difficult I can be! Also, on my secret list of qualities is that he’s a little feisty.¬†Do I really think that I could never get upset with someone who I will presumably be spending tons of time with? No!

What is important is the level of effort being put forth to achieve those qualities.

A lot of women are conditioned to believe in a fairy-tale future that is commonly criticized for being unrealistic. Well, if we believe a prince is going to come on a horse and save us from our terrible lives, I would agree with that statement; however, I think there’s an opposite and just as damaging idea that women should choose the first nice guy that comes along and not be as “picky.”

Honestly, is it really that unrealistic to try and find a man who treats you like a princess (and you treat him like a prince) who is also handsome and normal and shares some interests with you? It hurts my heart to think that the next guy who likes me and also happens to be nice is all that I should desire in a relationship.

While being nice is a great quality, I think most people would agree that a guy who spends all of his free time on a computer or playing video games or at a bar pretty much nullifies “nice” and points to way bigger issues. We should just choose that man because, what? No one is perfect?

“Well,” you might say, “the only quality that really matters is whether or not he’s a good person.” Defining that is subjective and based on experience and not likely to be useful to someone who has only been treated poorly.

“Well, you could end up alone if you keep this up. You might get to a place where you wish you would’ve given someone in your past more of a chance.”

Let me be clear: there is always someone else. I realize that some people aren’t going to get married, but picking someone because you don’t want to end up alone is much less fulfilling than picking someone because you can’t imagine your life without them.

You deserve the best of the best. You deserve the kind of guy that you meet and are immediately attracted to, that you get excited just to see, that makes you feel like you want to be the best person possible so maybe they’ll want to be with you too.

I refuse to believe that type of man doesn’t exist for me, or for you. I also believe that any two people who are genuinely “good” can be happy together–but can you be the most happy and the most fulfilled? If you go through the PDF with the qualities on it, the one that I feel like encompasses and overrules them all is the second to last one, which reads:

“A man who makes me hope that my sisters and best friends can find someone like him.”

To me, that’s the end all, be all. Would I want the qualities this man has for the closest women in my life? If my best friend were telling me about the things he does, what would I think?

Lastly, I had someone tell me that if a man has the “potential” to be all the qualities I want, we can help each other grow through a relationship. That, to me, is exactly the reason why women stay in abusive relationships.¬†I know from experience that potential means nothing if not being actively worked towards, and results are being seen.

I could go on all day about relationships, but I will end with saying that I still believe my list provides a good foundation for qualities we should all be striving towards obtaining. As far as my standards being too high, I recognize that I’m not going to end up with someone perfect, but there are men out there that are perfect for me. And for you.

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Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook (show your support and send me a like!) Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you all so much!

First Dates

I don’t really talk about dating very much, because it’s something I generally dislike. I guess that’s not totally true. I like dating, but usually only after I’ve been dating someone for a while. My guess at why is probably because first dates can be really uncomfortable. This past Saturday,¬†I got asked and happily went on a date. I’m lucky in that it turned out to be surprisingly fun.

Some of you may remember this post about my recent dating past, along with a list of goals for dating life when I turned 21. In the almost three months since that post, I’ve had a handful of first dates. I don’t know if that’s a lot or not. It feels like a lot.

Some have been uncomfortable, some have been alright, and some were fun. Mostly, I feel like they’ve all been a lot of effort. It takes so much energy to be constantly trying to think of what to say next and wondering how I might be coming across. I guess because I’ve always been a “relationship-girl,” I’m used to going on dates with the same person. All these first dates are so out of the norm–and stressful.

Some of you may also remember this post about an epiphany I had regarding the kind of man I want to end up with. After re-reading that today, I would like to add “looks like a mountain man/lumberjack” to that list (that’s only kind of a joke) and say something I feel I should’ve mentioned then: I believe in making myself to be the kind of woman so as to deserve that kind of man.

Also, as much as I hate first-dating, it’s probably more likely that I’m going to find my tough-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, bearded man by sucking up my overactive awkward-o-meter and going out on first dates.

My fingers are still crossed that he appears out of nowhere, here in Utah.

Now that I’ve scared off any future potential boys, here are some photos from the date I went on this weekend:

Firstly, he got me balloons.

“I may or may not have looked at your blog,” was along the lines of what he said.

We went to the Bridal Veil Falls park up the canyon and just walked along, taking photos every now and then. It was only a little warmer than I would’ve liked, but the shade was lovely.¬†These are the falls! I forgot my camera (I know, right?), but luckily he brought his.

Then, we passed this fallen tree, in the shade. It was a perfect photo spot. So I stop. He agrees that it’s nice. I go to take a picture, and he goes over the trunk, up a little ways and emerges from behind a big rock with a blanket and a cooler.

It was a lovely surprise and I was very impressed at the effort he went through. I ended up cutting my finger on that bottle cap, but hopefully it will scar and I’ll get a nice battle wound.

Since you say you read my blog, thank you, Christian, for the good time!

To everyone else, especially all the beautiful young ladies that read my blog ¬†(I hear you’re mostly between 13-17 years old), remember that sometimes you have to go through lots of dates and potentially uncomfortable situations in order to find out what kind of personality traits you do (or don’t) want in a guy–then eventually recognize him when you see him. That means you should go on dates with people who are kind enough to ask you and spend time and effort on you–and go out looking to have fun and make a new friend. It’s much harder to go wrong with those kinds of expectations. And know these types of posts are ALL for YOU.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook (show your support and send me a like!) Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you and be good!

Break Up Queen, Not Ashamed

Because this is so long, I should post a photo, taken on 6/26/2011! A year ago yesterday! Man, how things have changed since then…

I have had 3 major break ups in the past 6 months. The first of which was the last of a string of on-and-off break ups in that particular relationship. Before that, I had two other relationships. I haven’t been single longer than 3 months since I graduated high school. In 2009. I am the Break Up Queen. I also need to be single. But hey, if nothing else, I’ve learned I give great advice now!

Why do I bother mentioning things people usually keep to themselves?

Well. In case you haven’t heard, my birthday is the 28th. Tomorrow. And I am in serious need of a new start.

I kind of feel like I need to prove to myself that I can be single. I am all about independence and strength, but as one of my cousins mentioned, maybe I can’t live without the “affections of a man.”

YES I CAN! …I THINK! I don’t know…but I think that’s the point of this whole experiment!

So. New rules of year 21:

  1. Go on dates, but don’t look for or expect them.
  2. Don’t get serious with anyone until I feel ready.
  3. Make lots more friends in both genders.
  4. Kisses mean something.
  5. Do things boyfriends in the past wouldn’t have “approved” of, like GOING DANCING! EVERY WEEK! Like I used to, and it made me ohsohappy.
  6. Be a little bit more selfish. Focus on improving myself & my talents.
  7. Be a little bit more cynical. “How many ladies have you used that line on?” accompanied with an eye roll (but also a smile).
  8. Actually listen to the opinions of others, but still come up with my own. Don’t automatically reject their suggestions.
  9. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE THE RULE. Say it with me: I AM NOT THE EXCEPTION, I AM THE RULE.
  10. Don’t ignore red flags or make excuses. Ever again. I don’t care how sweet and sensitive he is, if I can use English properly, be talented in music, communicate well with others, take care of my appearance, and know how to work, I am allowed expect that out of a man as well.

Anyway. That list is on the Internet now, so I should try to stick to it. Of course, that’s not even near close to everything I want to change about myself in year 21. That list would be way too long for the blog.

I was about to apologize for the length, because I’m not done typing yet, but I really don’t need to apologize for that. So I won’t. This blog is for me. I hope it helps others too, at the very least to just get a little more enjoyment out of life.

Family problems is my next topic. The past few days have been unusually concentrated with family problems–across my extended family and immediate. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to just shout out all the things that are bothering me, so CAN I JUST SAY that being the Break Up Queen has come in handy. Twice.

And also, I really have determined that the only person in your life that won’t let you down ever is God, and even though family is the next most important priority, you really can’t even count on them to not hurt you.

Which is fine. That’s all a part of life, and I’m guilty of hurting my family too. So are you. Probably.

But it’s fine. It’s all fine. What else can we do but move on?

 Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you!

The Importance of a Good Man

Surprise! I’m making this into a book. See details here.

Leave a comment after you read the book and tell me what you think!

A few months ago, one of my very best friends gave me a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I had seen the movie, but never read the book. I love the movie! I still think every girl should see it, but after reading the book cover to cover in just an hour or so (granted, it’s only 80pgs) and highlighting the heck out of it, I’ve decided that every human–especially women–should either read the book or be exposed to the things it teaches.

At the time, I was just getting over dating who I like to refer to as my Evil Ex. It helped confirm to me exactly the kind of person he was (and probably still is), but I couldn’t help but wish I had read it years earlier.¬†

Recent circumstances allowed me to think of the book again, so I went through and picked out all the qualities listed in the book that have become my new standard. Instead of helping me get over an ex, I read it with the mindset of appreciating and being able to recognize the type of man that I will one day spend my life with.

It also occurred to me that this might be useful to some of you.

I made it all into a pretty book, extremely convenient for you to download, print and make into a little cheat sheet of your own! I’m not saying that these are the end-all, be-all of standards, but they are mine and maybe it wouldn’t be bad if they were yours too.

DOWNLOAD HERE: FutureHusbandBOOK

EDIT: This was written at a very specific time in my life, as is discussed above. I’ve posted a response and explanation for the contents of this book 9 months after this, which you can (and should) follow up with¬†here.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!