Wardrobe Essentials for Women

Here’s the thing: I have way too many clothes. I realize that. Most of us realize that, I think. My problem is that my style is starting to change. No longer do I enjoy running around in XXI clothes (or, heaven forbid, my old obsession for Charlotte Russe). Almost every time I look through my clothes, I have this overwhelming urge to throw everything I own away and start from scratch.

But how do you start from scratch? Thus started my idea to put together a list of essential pieces to buy again if I ever actually get around to starting a fresh wardrobe. Obviously, everything listed here can be altered to fit your style!

Bottoms and tops:

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dark wash jeans, regular wash jeans, high-waisted black leggings (my favorite), sweat pants, pencil skirt, jean shorts, tan shorts; black tee, white tee, button-up, sweater, zip-up jacket, flannel, blazer, pea coat, hoodie.

Dresses, shoes, socks:

Wardrobe Essentials (dresses, shoes, socks)a night dress, a day dress; nude heels, black heels, brown boots, black boots, athletic shoes, day-to-day tennis shoes, ballet flats, sandals, slippers; knee socks, ankle socks, no-show socks, regular socks, tights.

Winter accessories, bags, & underwear:

Wardrobe Essentials (winter, bags, underwear)an infinity scarf, regular scarf, beanie & gloves; wallet, clutch, black bag, brown bag, overnight bag, backpack; bathing suit; thongs, regular underwear, sports bra, white/tan/black bra (with at least one with a strapless option).

So if you ask me, these are the basic building blocks to any wardrobe! Let me know if there’s a piece you can’t live without.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

Why Doesn’t He Like Me?

Every single human being is guilty for wondering at some point or another why someone else isn’t romantically into them.

I am. Frequently. It’s the worst feeling–and we handle it differently: Some of us whine to our friends who tell us that “he doesn’t know what he’s missing,” or something similar–that it couldn’t possibly be our fault and we believe them, then go on exactly as before.

Some of us whine to wine bottles and convince ourselves that if we were only taller, thinner, tanner, prettier, etc–that then we’d finally be good enough for him.

We might be heartbroken that they didn’t return our love-at-first-date. Sometimes, we don’t even like the guy until we realize he doesn’t seem to like us either! What is wrong with us, ladies?

It’s got to be part of human nature, but unrequited love is the worst, most heart-sinking feeling in the world–I think it’s worse than being broken up with. Why? Because when you break up, it hurts like every expletive in the book; but, you usually don’t see that person as often, you don’t spend time with them, it doesn’t last as long, and you don’t have to pretend like you’re not seriously sad on the inside.

So what are we supposed to do? Try not to care. Be the best you that you can be in all areas of life (mental, physical, emotional, etc.). Develop yourself. If the guy you like doesn’t like you back, so what? There is someone that will–and we deserve someone that wants us!

Wise words:

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Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like me. People will tell you all sorts of excuses to make you feel better, but maybe, *takes off sunglasses* he’s just not that into you. P.S. If you haven’t seen that movie, watch it.

As long as I like myself, it won’t matter and I can be happy with friendship! In case that isn’t satisfying enough, here are some reasons he might not like you:

  1. You have nothing in common. You’re more attracted to people who share your interests. If you love music and he hates music, it’s going to be annoying.
  2. You’re  not the type of girl he is attracted to physically (I like tall dark and handsome, and tend to find mountain-type men more attractive than those with boyish looks. Everyone has a type. If you’re not his type, it doesn’t mean you’re not attractive.)
  3. You don’t have the personality traits he’s looking for. Maybe he wants someone who wants to be a housewife and pop out kids. Maybe you want to be the next Hilary Clinton, so he doesn’t even bother because it’d probably be easier to find someone who wants what you want than dealing with a relationship where you want opposite things.
  4. You are smelly and live in your parents basement. Some guys might not mind, but some will. If it bothers you that much, try doing better with your personal hygiene and work towards getting your own apartment.

Don’t change yourself so someone will like you. Change yourself so you will like you and then people that are like you will also like you.

Other resources (terrible, R-Rated NSFW language–like seriously, seriously…I wouldn’t post except her points are straight on. You’ve been warned. It applies to men AND ladies):

So what now? They don’t like you, so you can hate them and be bitter, right? NO! Christopher Davidson says:

You should be nice to a girl (or people in general), just to be nice, not because you expect romance or sex in return. No one owes you anything. As for “nice [girls]”, stop going for [men] out of your league. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on your confidence. [Men] don’t like pushovers or [girls] who are too clingy. They like nice [girls] who are confident, strong, and are exciting.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

I Am She: (maybe one day!)

I-am-she

I’ve decided that I need to keep a list of qualities I want in order to motivate me. So this is what I stare at when I’m at the gym, or debating on whether or not to go to the gym–when I think of skipping class, or giving up on my French.

This is the kind of woman I want to be, and I thought maybe you would appreciate some ideas for yourself–if you don’t really know what kind of person you’d like to be.

She is up-to-date on current events. I chose this trait because so many Americans (dare I say American women) are stereotyped (for good reason) as being completely egocentric and unaware of anyone’s problems but their own. We’re not the only ones on this planet, and ignorance about what’s happening in the world is a fear of mine.

She is conversational in multiple languages. I had a goal in high school to learn 7 languages by the time I was 30. It was a lofty goal, and now I’m just trying to go for conversational! Being able to communicate with as many people as possible is one of my dreams.

She makes connections. I want the hook-ups. I want to be the one that “knows a guy” that can help me get what I want.

She is discerning, witty, and relaxed. I’m fairly uptight at times. I know this because I was playing a game with friends and they had to choose which Winnie The Pooh character I was most like, and everyone chose the Rabbit! So I’m trying to work on that… also, being witty is such an attractive quality. Discernment means having good judgement, for those of you who may not know.

She has an opinion. People have different ideas on whether or not this is a good idea. For me, having an opinion means I’ve thought about situations or circumstances and found where I stand. This way, I can discuss with people and learn why I should strengthen, change, or defend my position–too often do we just float through with no ability to discuss important subjects. This is my anti-airhead weapon.

She says what she means. One of the most difficult qualities for me to understand in people (dare I say women) is that there is almost no complete honesty. It’s always truth wrapped in a little box, or presented in a subversive/manipulative way. I think so many miscommunications could be avoided by people saying what they actually mean to say, of course politely and with tact. Be clear.

She is independent and giving. I prefer to be a giver and not a taker, because it makes me feel better about myself. I would argue that all people thrive under independence and wilt under dependence.

She contributes to meaningful conversations. I don’t want to be the one at the table that giggles and twirls her hair while others discuss important topics. Even if I don’t understand, I try to learn by speaking up.

She is confident and direct. I find it so much more fulfilling to be in relationships (all kinds) where you can express ideas and thoughts directly, without worrying what people are going to say. On that note, don’t care what people are going to think if you tell them you think they’re attractive–or tell them that maybe people would respond better to kindness rather than rudeness. I’d want someone to tell me. It stings at first, but constructive comments and compliments are very rewarding.

She has control over her emotions and impulses. I’m still working on not crying every time I get mildly emotional, and not eating an entire bag of chips when I do. Self control is about delaying instant gratification for long-term rewards.

She travels. This one is important to me, because I want to see the world an experience what life is like all over the world, not just read it. I want to be up close and personal, because how else will I know how I can contribute?

She is unashamed to love herself. I am trying to get to the point where I don’t care what people think of how I look–and learn to think I’m beautiful no matter what. Who knows if I’ll ever overcome that struggle.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

Like an Animal

Animal Tank

I usually don’t wear animal prints, because I attach this stigma to them that says “cheap,” and other things that just generally surround the opposite of “classy.”

I’ve decided, though…who cares? Go a little wild, go a little crazy.

Do the things that you want to do and just be free!

I say this because recently I did something adventurous and fun and then I felt guilty for it…even though I didn’t do a single thing worth feeling guilty over. I realized that my childhood/teenage restrictions of “NOT ALLOWED” still grip me sometimes. And that made me mad!

I really wish I didn’t let the fear of “not allowed” (whether by society, or personal inhibitions) keep me from doing all the fun stuff I could be doing. So I’ve vowed to change that, because we simply just don’t know how much time we have left–and I’m tired of being so careful! Even when I did my one adventurous act of packing everything I own in the back of my car and moving to California by myself…I still was so careful. I just need to relax and enjoy life, and worry less.

Raise A Glass To What Your Future Holds

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

RE: The Importance of a Good Man

**should say explanation, not explination. Too much effort to fix, so forgive me.**

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FutureHusbandBOOK (The PDF)

Some of my friends who are guys read my blog. Sometimes, while reading, they come across certain posts and become concerned. I know this because they tell me.

Most recently, I have had three guys in the past few weeks tell me that they are worried the type of man I’m looking for doesn’t exist. One specifically told me I was “chasing a dream.” Or, basically, that I’ve set my standards too high. I’ve decided to clarify exactly what I meant.

For starters, I have to clarify that when I made that post, I was just barely over a negative relationship. After negative experiences, we frequently find ourselves very determined to never repeat that experience. Of course, that’s not to say that after a while we can lower our standards again, but sometimes it’s nice to refresh ourselves of what type of qualities we’re allowed to aspire towards in future relationships.

The important thing to understand, however, is that regardless of how we might have been treated in the past, it’s not right to think that we are ever “owed” anything. The idea that by having been treated poorly means we’ve paid our dues, so we are entitled to the perfect guy who just has to accept us for who we are, is counterproductive and surely a terrible way to treat a great guy.

I’ll say that again: No matter how you’ve been treated in your past, you still must actively work towards making yourself the kind of person that you eventually want to end up with. That means you have to obtain the qualities for which you search in others.

With that said, I wrote those points well aware of the fact that there is no human on the planet that has every single one of the qualities listed in that book. Do I really think that there’s a guy out there that’s going never going to be mad at me? Uh, I even get mad at myself, so of course not! I know how difficult I can be! Also, on my secret list of qualities is that he’s a little feisty. Do I really think that I could never get upset with someone who I will presumably be spending tons of time with? No!

What is important is the level of effort being put forth to achieve those qualities.

A lot of women are conditioned to believe in a fairy-tale future that is commonly criticized for being unrealistic. Well, if we believe a prince is going to come on a horse and save us from our terrible lives, I would agree with that statement; however, I think there’s an opposite and just as damaging idea that women should choose the first nice guy that comes along and not be as “picky.”

Honestly, is it really that unrealistic to try and find a man who treats you like a princess (and you treat him like a prince) who is also handsome and normal and shares some interests with you? It hurts my heart to think that the next guy who likes me and also happens to be nice is all that I should desire in a relationship.

While being nice is a great quality, I think most people would agree that a guy who spends all of his free time on a computer or playing video games or at a bar pretty much nullifies “nice” and points to way bigger issues. We should just choose that man because, what? No one is perfect?

“Well,” you might say, “the only quality that really matters is whether or not he’s a good person.” Defining that is subjective and based on experience and not likely to be useful to someone who has only been treated poorly.

“Well, you could end up alone if you keep this up. You might get to a place where you wish you would’ve given someone in your past more of a chance.”

Let me be clear: there is always someone else. I realize that some people aren’t going to get married, but picking someone because you don’t want to end up alone is much less fulfilling than picking someone because you can’t imagine your life without them.

You deserve the best of the best. You deserve the kind of guy that you meet and are immediately attracted to, that you get excited just to see, that makes you feel like you want to be the best person possible so maybe they’ll want to be with you too.

I refuse to believe that type of man doesn’t exist for me, or for you. I also believe that any two people who are genuinely “good” can be happy together–but can you be the most happy and the most fulfilled? If you go through the PDF with the qualities on it, the one that I feel like encompasses and overrules them all is the second to last one, which reads:

“A man who makes me hope that my sisters and best friends can find someone like him.”

To me, that’s the end all, be all. Would I want the qualities this man has for the closest women in my life? If my best friend were telling me about the things he does, what would I think?

Lastly, I had someone tell me that if a man has the “potential” to be all the qualities I want, we can help each other grow through a relationship. That, to me, is exactly the reason why women stay in abusive relationships. I know from experience that potential means nothing if not being actively worked towards, and results are being seen.

I could go on all day about relationships, but I will end with saying that I still believe my list provides a good foundation for qualities we should all be striving towards obtaining. As far as my standards being too high, I recognize that I’m not going to end up with someone perfect, but there are men out there that are perfect for me. And for you.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook (show your support and send me a like!) Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you all so much!

First Dates

I don’t really talk about dating very much, because it’s something I generally dislike. I guess that’s not totally true. I like dating, but usually only after I’ve been dating someone for a while. My guess at why is probably because first dates can be really uncomfortable. This past Saturday, I got asked and happily went on a date. I’m lucky in that it turned out to be surprisingly fun.

Some of you may remember this post about my recent dating past, along with a list of goals for dating life when I turned 21. In the almost three months since that post, I’ve had a handful of first dates. I don’t know if that’s a lot or not. It feels like a lot.

Some have been uncomfortable, some have been alright, and some were fun. Mostly, I feel like they’ve all been a lot of effort. It takes so much energy to be constantly trying to think of what to say next and wondering how I might be coming across. I guess because I’ve always been a “relationship-girl,” I’m used to going on dates with the same person. All these first dates are so out of the norm–and stressful.

Some of you may also remember this post about an epiphany I had regarding the kind of man I want to end up with. After re-reading that today, I would like to add “looks like a mountain man/lumberjack” to that list (that’s only kind of a joke) and say something I feel I should’ve mentioned then: I believe in making myself to be the kind of woman so as to deserve that kind of man.

Also, as much as I hate first-dating, it’s probably more likely that I’m going to find my tough-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, bearded man by sucking up my overactive awkward-o-meter and going out on first dates.

My fingers are still crossed that he appears out of nowhere, here in Utah.

Now that I’ve scared off any future potential boys, here are some photos from the date I went on this weekend:

Firstly, he got me balloons.

“I may or may not have looked at your blog,” was along the lines of what he said.

We went to the Bridal Veil Falls park up the canyon and just walked along, taking photos every now and then. It was only a little warmer than I would’ve liked, but the shade was lovely. These are the falls! I forgot my camera (I know, right?), but luckily he brought his.

Then, we passed this fallen tree, in the shade. It was a perfect photo spot. So I stop. He agrees that it’s nice. I go to take a picture, and he goes over the trunk, up a little ways and emerges from behind a big rock with a blanket and a cooler.

It was a lovely surprise and I was very impressed at the effort he went through. I ended up cutting my finger on that bottle cap, but hopefully it will scar and I’ll get a nice battle wound.

Since you say you read my blog, thank you, Christian, for the good time!

To everyone else, especially all the beautiful young ladies that read my blog  (I hear you’re mostly between 13-17 years old), remember that sometimes you have to go through lots of dates and potentially uncomfortable situations in order to find out what kind of personality traits you do (or don’t) want in a guy–then eventually recognize him when you see him. That means you should go on dates with people who are kind enough to ask you and spend time and effort on you–and go out looking to have fun and make a new friend. It’s much harder to go wrong with those kinds of expectations. And know these types of posts are ALL for YOU.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook (show your support and send me a like!) Check out my Pinterest, too! Thank you and be good!

The Importance of a Good Man

Surprise! I’m making this into a book. See details here.

Leave a comment after you read the book and tell me what you think!

A few months ago, one of my very best friends gave me a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I had seen the movie, but never read the book. I love the movie! I still think every girl should see it, but after reading the book cover to cover in just an hour or so (granted, it’s only 80pgs) and highlighting the heck out of it, I’ve decided that every human–especially women–should either read the book or be exposed to the things it teaches.

At the time, I was just getting over dating who I like to refer to as my Evil Ex. It helped confirm to me exactly the kind of person he was (and probably still is), but I couldn’t help but wish I had read it years earlier. 

Recent circumstances allowed me to think of the book again, so I went through and picked out all the qualities listed in the book that have become my new standard. Instead of helping me get over an ex, I read it with the mindset of appreciating and being able to recognize the type of man that I will one day spend my life with.

It also occurred to me that this might be useful to some of you.

I made it all into a pretty book, extremely convenient for you to download, print and make into a little cheat sheet of your own! I’m not saying that these are the end-all, be-all of standards, but they are mine and maybe it wouldn’t be bad if they were yours too.

DOWNLOAD HERE: FutureHusbandBOOK

EDIT: This was written at a very specific time in my life, as is discussed above. I’ve posted a response and explanation for the contents of this book 9 months after this, which you can (and should) follow up with here.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!