**Excuse me while I give myself a pep-talk.**
I have a tendency to hold up all my feelings and pretend like I am happy all the time. It’s not because I feel pressured to be the perfect happy woman, but it’s because I have a hard time letting people in past a certain level–so it just is easier to default to happy-go-lucky (which I usually am anyway).
For the record, that whole keep-a-wall-up is intensified when people give me an incredulous look and ask “WHY?” when I say I don’t like to just share my feelings with people. IT’S BECAUSE OF THOSE PEOPLE that I feel like I have to carefully pick who I confide in–then usually end up choosing no one. I have very surface level relationships with people, but I crave close relationships. I think everyone does. I just have to find the right people to have those with.
It would also help if people didn’t back-stab, lie, cheat–if they didn’t respond with disinterest or judgmentally, but that’s an impossible expectation.
So I’m working on it, because ignored feelings are unresolved feelings. And because it’s better to open yourself up and suffer the idiots than to just keep it all bottled.
As a result, a new goal is to let people in a little more. Vulnerability and stuff, you know. And to respond better when people do it to me.