It’s been a month since my wonderful boyfriend left for France. I can’t believe it’s been a month! I honestly don’t know what to think, I just told myself I’d write how it’s been when I reached the one month mark…now that I’m here, I don’t even know what to say!
I feel like I’ve grown a lot since the first day he was gone. It was a depressing day for more reasons than just him leaving, though.
Do I miss him? Of course. Do I wish he were here with me? Yes and no. Yes because I miss him, but no because I know he’s doing something of which only good things can come!
How’s it been for me so far? Well, I have only cried twice. It’s easier when he makes a constant effort for me to know that he loves me. It’s also easier when I know there’s no point to being sad, since it’s not like I can change the situation.
Instead, I’ve made a ton of new friends! I don’t know if it hasn’t set in yet that he’s gone (I think it has, though), but this whole waiting thing doesn’t seem that hard! It’s more of an adventure!
People always say “keep busy so you don’t think of him as often.” That’s silly to me. I like to think of him! It only makes me happy to think of him. And let’s be honest, it’s pretty ridiculous to imagine I’m going to be busy 24/7. Which is how often I think of him. Sometimes, I like to be very un-busy. I like to sit around and paint my nails and watch movies. I like to go through old photos and letters.
Does that mean I’m not living my life? Heck no! I have a WHOLE list of things to accomplish as a newly without-her-boyfriend-but-not-single lady.
I get to hear from him at least once a week. Once a week isn’t that far apart…and honestly, it’s like getting a whole novel, one chapter at a time.
I feel like it’s impossible to make others understand, especially when all my neighbors drive by and see me doing this:
Because sometimes all I do is sit on my porch and wait for the mail to come. That’s actually not true, today is the first time I did that, haha. Usually, I wait inside…which makes it better…
Sometimes, I see movies or hear songs that really make me think of him. When that happens, though, I just write him a letter or send him an email. Sometimes, if it’s really little and insignificant, I’ll send it to him as a message on Facebook, since I know he won’t see that until he gets back.
(Confession: I sometimes put the flag up even when I’m not sending him a letter so that I can just walk by my window and know if the mail has come)
The parentheses mean I’m whispering, by the way.
So if you need me, you most likely won’t be able to find me in the chair on my porch, waiting for the mail–and I think that pretty neatly sums up how my first month has been. In case that symbolism is too vague, I mean to say I think of him often, but I don’t just sit around and wait to hear from him. I’m just as happy doing other things while waiting to hear from him. Ha!
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