The Importance of a Good Man

Leave a comment after you read the book and tell me what you think!

A few months ago, one of my very best friends gave me a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I had seen the movie, but never read the book. I love the movie! I still think every girl should see it, but after reading the book cover to cover in just an hour or so (granted, it’s only 80pgs) and highlighting the heck out of it, I’ve decided that every human–especially women–should either read the book or be exposed to the things it teaches.

At the time, I was just getting over dating who I like to refer to as my Evil Ex. It helped confirm to me exactly the kind of person he was (and probably still is), but I couldn’t help but wish I had read it years earlier. 

Recent circumstances allowed me to think of the book again, so I went through and picked out all the qualities listed in the book that have become my new standard. Instead of helping me get over an ex, I read it with the mindset of appreciating and being able to recognize the type of man that I will one day spend my life with.

It also occurred to me that this might be useful to some of you.

I made it all into a pretty book, extremely convenient for you to download, print and make into a little cheat sheet of your own! I’m not saying that these are the end-all, be-all of standards, but they are mine and maybe it wouldn’t be bad if they were yours too.

DOWNLOAD HERE: FutureHusbandBOOK

EDIT: This was written at a very specific time in my life, as is discussed above. I’ve posted a response and explanation for the contents of this book 9 months after this, which you can (and should) follow up with here.

Keep up-to-date on my new postings by following me on Twitter. You can also contact me through my website here, email me at brittany@lacelollipops.com, or send me a message to my Facebook. Thank you!

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34 thoughts on “The Importance of a Good Man”

  1. Brittany,
    This is my father … to the letter. And, I haven’t been able to find a man like him. Your beautiful book is a treasure to my heart. If only more women would believe that they are worthy of a man such as this, they just may find true love that will last. I too, found your book on Pinterest. Thank you for posting. A copy has been saved and I am blessed because of it~ <3

  2. ….and what will she do for him? I ask the question, because it’s always about what WE want. What about the guy? Some women do need a “guide” of sorts, because of poor choices in past relationships, but the kind of guy this girl is looking for doesn’t come ready-made.
    The man she’s looking for, comes into existence, after years of caring, nurturing, and cultivating the relationship.
    Of course you want your mate to have certain qualities, ethics, religious beliefs, etc., that are equal to yours, but
    there is no magic pill or recipe for a good man, or woman for that matter. Good relationships, healthy relationships, take practice and daily commitment from both equally.

    1. @Phoebe Fregoso – I’m not sure what world you live in but in the world I live in, it’s very rarely about “what we want”. If it were really like that then there wouldn’t be so many women who end up in toxic relationships with men who are damaged beyond repair. The problem is that women are wired to think of everybody else and therefore never really stop to think about what they should be looking for in a man other than the bare minimum. Meanwhile, men are wired and or trained to think about their own interests with the comfort of knowing that there’s always going to be some woman out there that has been trained to look out for him and his interests. Just the fact that you think otherwise shows why we end up in the situations that we do. Having a list of what we want is the best way to not only keep our interests at the top of our minds when dating but also to ensure that we have the best fathers for our children that we can possibly have.

  3. Hi Brittnay!

    You have said so much pretty much verbatim, what I’ve been saying for years. I’ve never married and I’m never going to be, unless I find my equal… within reason of course. Just to find someone that is as good for me as I am for them, would be a breath of fresh air. I know I’m all those qualities, that are listed in your handbook, so I can’t settle for the typical, generic male. A lot of typical females deserve the typical male. They are all a dime a dozen. So for women like us, it’s not easy, but I have faith. I also know that the good men out there are feeling the same way we are. I wish I knew how we could all meet. What a dream.

    Anyway… I found you from a pin on pinterest and I’m following you now. (I just started my account 3 weeks ago.) I’m so glad to have found someone that can articulate what I feel so eloquently. I LOVE the book you put together, and I’m going to share it with everyone… woman or man that I think will get it. I think we can change out the word ‘man’ and insert ‘woman’ and make it a ‘Future Wife Book’. I look forward to reading all the comments and looking at your pinterest boards! You just made my night! You’re awesome! :-D

  4. No no no no no!!!!!! This is NOT appropriate to be handing out to impressionable Young LDS Women!!! It’s not age appropriate, and as someone who has been divorced and dating for almost seven years, I can tell you that while much of this has merit for people in my situation, it is NOT something for YW. Too much of it is ambiguous, and does not have enough detailed background information to support the statements so they are understood the right way. If my daughters came home with this, I would have BIG problems with it.

    Yes, they need to choose wisely, but I can tell you there are way too many good LDS men out there (now divorced) who married LDS girls whose expectations of what was expected of them AND of them men were entirely unrealistic. This booklet will go a long way toward continuing these issues. The intent was good, but the end result, not so much.

  5. Reblogged this on Profoundly Marvelous and commented:
    This is probably one of the best blog posts I have ever read… This is a book that kind off works as a guide to whether or not a guy is worth dating or marrying. I strongly believe that one should never settle for less than he or she deserves. Although this is written for women, I think each and every guy should read this… Now this shouldn’t change you as a person, but should encourage you to be that guy and this goes for the girls too… you have to be the girl that deserves this kind of love. If more people lived and loved this way, there would be way less sadness, broken hearts and divorce. Let me know what you think and feel free to share this with your friends and the people close to you!

  6. I like this a lot! But there’s a typo on the second to last page. It should be “whose love” rather than “who’s love”. Is there any way to fix that?

  7. Maybe I missed it, but IMHO you missed a critically important quality. He has to be a man after God’s own heart. A man who understands what it means to glorify the Lord with his life and does it. If that’s in there already, I apologize!

    1. Not everyone has those beliefs. Religion is better left for individual ideals not a generalized list.

  8. I just want to let you know that I just read this list of yours and I completely agree. I’m marrying the love of my life next summer and he exceeds every one of these traits by far. So looking for these things in a man is by no means unrealistic for any woman who is willing to keep looking.

  9. You have to BE the type of woman who deserves a man that has all these qualities. You can’t be a bitch and expect a man to treat you right. A man will treat you directly linked to how you treat him. :) There are jerks out there, but men aren’t usually that hard to get (understand) . Women are the crazy ones. You can’t get offended when he meant NO offense. Every choice he makes is NOT based on his feelings for you. He might want to hang out with his friends that night and NOT hang out with you and THAT”S OK. There will come a time when you do not want to hang out with him.

  10. I love this! It really is great. I am Mormon. And we actually believe in living a lot of these standards. For men also. So, this isn’t hard for me to embrace.

  11. The outline of this man is a nice idea you should always have an idea of the kind of man and relationship you want to have based on past experiences, needs and wants but keep in mind people are human and life is unpredictable. A relationship is also about compromise and its not all about you. I am fortunate to have found a man that is everything I needed and he was not what I expected. Over time it is not always exciting and you will disagree but compromise is key. If u set the bar to high a treat a man like a checklist you will find yourself alone with a book of ideas on your mr. Right. I have seen the movie I loved it as well a lot of women do need to realize he is just not that into you but that just means quit making excuses for somebody who treats you bad or shrugs you off have self respect for yourself first and for most, this isn’t a movie and a real man would run away if your aggressive like that chick in the movie. Big difference in being aggressive and being assertive. Good luck and remember there is so much more to love than a checklist.

    1. There’s nothing wrong with thinking outside the box.
      This book has lots of awesome qualities that some women don’t even know exist. So, reaching for the stars is absolutely a fantastic idea and wonderfully awesome to tell your friends who have been in terrible horrible relationships. Take care all! I found a wonderful man by exposing myself to positive articles like this one! Love it! Plus seeking counseling was fabulous to work out issues.

  12. Such a cute idea. It is not my intention to downplay such a creatively adorable idea, but I’d like to gracefully add a little tidbit of advice from someone who has been-there-done-that. I think it’s important to realize that you will never find anyone who has all of these qualities- all of the time. It’s vital to choose someone who lifts you up, who treats you with respect, and adores you – but it’s also vital to realize that we all have our moments and we will not always be nice or treat each other with the respect that we all deserve. Having pulled myself out of an abusive relationship only to then finding an amazing man whom I have spent the last 17 years of my life with, I have to say that having high priorities is a must – but having REALISTIC high priorities is the only way we’ll ever find someone. Reading through this list made me worry just a little that sometimes we set our expectations soo high that we can’t see the good guy when he is standing right in front of us. We have to give a little on some things. Decide which are deal breakers, and then help each other grow and become all the rest of the good stuff. Marriage is a tough road. I think this list is an adorable idea – but we have to be careful not to check off every item before we say “I Do”. You might just miss out on the love of your life… With that said – I’m totally downloading the book. Thank you for sharing! :)

  13. I have been married twicw and in a long-term relationship right now….this is a nice dream…!! Not necassarily a reality…and I don’t think I’ve settled for the lesser man!

  14. GENIUS! :) I’ve watched the movie, but now I guess I better go buy the book too. This is definitely a handy list.

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